Thursday, March 25, 2010

Ashes & Wine

Ashes & Wine

Don't know what to do anymore
I've lost the only love worth fighting for
I'll drown in my tear storming sea
That would show you,
That would make you hurt like me

All the same,
I don't want mud-slinging games
It's just a shame
To let you walk away

Is there a chance,
A fragment of light
At the end of the tunnel,
A reason to fight
Is there a chance
You may change your mind
Or are we ashes and wine?

Shut it out, I've got no claim on you now
I'm not allowed to wear your freedom down

Is there a chance,
A fragment of light
At the end of the tunnel,
A reason to fight
Is there a chance
You may change your mind
Or are we ashes and wine?
Reduced to ashes and wine
Or are we ashes...

2010 so far:

So my creativity has been lacking morosely, especially in the writing department. Writer's block is the worst. There are no ideas, your usual waterfall of vocabulary has dried into a small puddle of boring, and the blog suffers greatly.

I blame it on the rigors of academia and social obligations ;)

Anyway, due to this dull spell, I have decided to resort to... dare I say it... whoring my blog out. With photos. A lot of them.

To celebrate surviving 1/4 of the year with minimal drama and a lot of fun :)

Friends, familiy, dancing, parties, Disneyland, and lately the beach... yeah, life is good :)


But i've been busy with school too!! I'm taking my first photo class and so far it's been fun. I'm a PR major so it's not really at the top of my to-do list but taking photos has been quite fun :)

*Photo whore session complete*


Tuesday, March 23, 2010


Story time:

I was sitting on my bed doing homework, listening to some tunes, being content in general.

And then I realized I had misunderstood an assignment and I would have to do a rush job and get it finished tomorrow (Wednesday) for a Thursday class.

Suddenly, I felt totally, completely stressed and depressed.

I can finish the assignment easily, and there's no doubt I'll be able to get it done in the required time. It's totally no big.
But this one little thing has somehow set off an overwhelming sense of sadness.

My heart feels heavy, I suddenly lack the motivation I've had going for the past few weeks, and I'd rather curl up into a ball right now and sleep until the morning. I feel like the whole of me is shrinking inward. I want to cry. I want to lay on my bed and stare at the ceiling... well, let me rephrase that, I laid on my bed and stared at the ceiling for about 30 minutes. And now I'm on here, telling you the story. I'm waiting for the inexplicable sadness to pass, and I'm sure it will shortly.

But really? How weird is that? One baby thing sets off all this unwarranted sadness and loneliness? This has been going on for awhile now but never to this extreme.

This is so weird. I don't get it. I just might be going crazy :p


Sunday, March 21, 2010


Mid-terms and finals in general pretty much suck. There is no such thing as a fun final, except for in Harry Potter.

So while the stress builds up to massive proportions, I let off some steam by one of the best time-wasters in the world: browsing the Internet.

Here are some of my favorite sites...

Facebook/Twitter/formspring - networking and all that goes with it.

CollegeFashion - what can I say, I like lusting after outfits and seeing what's out there.

PostSecret - nuff' said.

FMyLife - because there is always someone else who has had a worse day than yours

CollegeCandy - so funny! My favorites are the Morning Afters :]

CollegeHumor - It's like the best thing ever dude! well, not really. but it's good for some laughs :]

GivesMeHope - gives you hope...

FuckYeahPuns- ....hahahaha. (the picture is from this site, btw)

TheGoodBlogs - probably my favorite way to browse different blogs out there :) Oh, and I have found a new fascination with confectionary/dessert blogs. Blame it on my sweet tooth, I personally gravitate towards this site during my afternoon classes :p

National Geographic - photography is always great. and it's fun to see the world.

TextsFromLastNight- as we all know, these nights can and will happen.

Yahoo! - they have "Top 10s" for everything, the most pointless and interesting articles, AND the news, all on one page. It's the best.

and of course, the best for last:

StumbleUpon - just do it. it will change your life. or something along those lines.

Anyway, that being said, Obamacare is officially in motion. I sincerely hope it will work, with even more sincere doubts that it will only put our country into more debt.

But that's just me and my libertarian grumbling kicking in ;)

That being said... Happy Sunday! Hope Monday treats everyone well...


Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Missions Conference 2010

So every year Biola takes 3 days off of school to focus on mission outreach around the world.

This has only been the first day but God has already shown us His amazing power and presence in so many ways!

I'll probably post a more in-depth blog about all the things that have been going on but to sum it up in a few words...

Missions Conference provides us with speakers from around the world talking about what it means to have a heart for Christ, awesome worship, and a campus-wide opportunity to raise awareness of all the pain going on in the world, and what we as Christians can do about it.

It's been great and the Holy Spirit just came down on Biola tonight. It was so refreshing to see God at work in such a visible way. Tonight was a reminder of why I chose this school in the first place.

I've been asking God over and over this semester to show me my purpose, where I'm supposed to be going in life. I've been frustrated because I still feel so lost about it. Tonight changed that.

Tonight one of the pastors said that even though this week is about missions, first and foremost we needed to get our hearts right before God, and to figure out the idols in our lives and throw them away.

And that just blew my mind.

Because these past two months, in devotions and in church, freakin everywhere, I have been studying and learning about the importance of putting God first before all idols. Casting out our idols has been a constant message this year. So now I'm starting to think maybe God's trying to tell me something.

And I think that something might be that (in the words of Mitch Hedberg) I have my priorities crooked.

I'm just going to be honest here and say my idols are many, but they all can be summed up in one word: ME.

It's all about me lately. What I wear, what I eat, who I date, what party I go to, where I'll end up, what I need right now, blahblahBLAH. So self-centered, right?

I've been letting my selfish wants and dreams get in the way of God and His voice.

So tonight I just started praying and asking God to remove all the crap and help me to focus on HIM. I need Him to call me out on my sins. Because to confess and be forgiven is to be loved. And having love is needed for having compassion. And compassion is needed to give to others.

It was amazing to have Jesus just love on me tonight, loving on everyone in that room, forgiving me and cleansing my heart for the millionth time. And then to pray with my friends, for them and our struggles, and feeling the Holy Spirit moving and working in our hearts was so... wonderful.

It was the most refreshing, inspiring vision to see my fellow classmates just worshiping God. I know He's going to do great things. I can only pray that He will show me what part I am to play in His plan.

This was only the first day and I'm excited to see what else is going to happen this week but, wow.

I hope to post some links and information about missions trips that are heading out this year and the many different causes to be praying for and supporting.

But for now, I can only muster up the energy to say God is good, God spoke tonight, and even though my purpose in life still isn't clear, He will tell me, when the time is right.

Good night everyone! I hope you all had a wonderful St. Patty's,


Thursday, March 11, 2010

just thought I'd point out,

there are 82 days until summer.

82 days until I can lay on the beach all afternoon and sleep or swim as my heart desires.

82 days until the only books I'll read are my novels and magazines.

82 days until I can eat food from home every freakin wonderful day.

82 days until I pack my bags, give the finger to the thought of homework and exams, and bid my roommate farewell.

82 days until I can stay up all night and sleep in until ten.

82 days until the only reality I have to face is the beach, the pool, and bbqs.

Summer 2010, thou shalt be better appreciated than Summer 2009.

I plan to thoroughly enjoy you until the last drop of warmth disappears.


P.S. Internships, missions trips, studying abroad, full-time jobs... can wait until the fall (mostly). I am going to take a 2 month vacation before the real world sets itself upon me.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Playlist 2010

Every few months or so I post a playlist reflecting the current status of my life.

Sadly, spring semester dictates that my life be nothing more than varying degrees of exhaustion and apathy (hello, do I have the time or energy for anything else?), so my playlist for this month doesn't really have any meaningful emotion in it. But I'm in a relatively happy place, and these songs just go with it :]


1. Chasing Pavements - Adele
2. Young Folk - Peter, Bjorn and John
3. Fitz and Dizzyspells - Andrew Bird
4. Transparence - Asobi Seksu
5. Imma Be - Black Eyed Peas
6. Blah, Blah, Blah - Ke$ha
7. Skylark - Bobby Darin
8. Falling For You - Colbie Caillat
9. The Scientist - Coldplay
10. A Fine Frenzy... One Cell In The Sea album in general
11. Lust For Life - Girls
12. Hourglass - The Hush Sound
13. Better Together - Jack Johnson
14. I Do Not Hook Up - Kelly Clarkson
15. Tie Me Down - New Boyz
16. Nobody Has To Know - The Last 5 Years
17. The Chain - Ingrid Michaelson
18. The New Year - Parachute
19. Dancing In The Moonlight - Toploader
20. We Run L.A. - Ya Boy
21. Undisclosed Desires - Muse

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