Spent a fantastic weekend moving back to school and spending time with family and friends alike! Topped off the last day of freedom with dinner at The Cheesecake Factory and a girls night in -- manicures, movie, the whole shebang :) Monday is my one day to sleep in and then it's time for classes, work, internships and whatever else. I'm kind of scared for this semester. Apprehension, fear of the unknown and all that. But God is good, I am strong in Him and that's all I need to survive.
Sometimes it's slow, sometimes it's fast. Sometimes its fun and simple, other times you don't know what the f*ck is going on. There will be times it will scare you, times you will laugh, times you are bored, but it's always more fun when someone is there beside you :)
I love finding new artists/bands, listening to a single and promptly falling in love with them. Since I'm more of an indie rock/alternative kind of girl, a lot of the bands I like aren't too well known, especially by my hip-hop/pop influenced friends ;)
Anyway, while watching a Burberry ad campaign I heard a song on it and I looked it up. Enter The Feeling. They aren't new, they've been around for quite a few years but I just thought I'd share their sound :)
This entry doesn't really have a direction. There was no point, no inspiration, no thought. I just felt the need to write, so we will see where this path goes.
Words. Ideals. In the end they are just objects, things that are useless unless human actions bring them to life. You can have the highest ideals in the world, and write them in the most eloquent manner onto a piece of paper, but they aren't worth much unless we actually decide to go forth and make them come to life. If Walt Disney only sketched an amusement park, wrote a beautiful description of it and dreamed the masterpiece every day, it would have amounted to nothing but fluff had he not had the courage, ambition and luck to make Disneyland come to life. If Paul had only idealized being a bold Christian and wrote his letters to the church but never delivered them, never lived his own teachings, well we probably wouldn't be reading his works. All this to say, ideals are an excellent starting place, but they are only that. It is the foundation which we build upon. Ideals lead to reality [ideally... ha.] Words helps us to form our desires and dreams and our bodies take it from there.
While browsing through my Tumblr [aka the self-centered, completely unrealistic, teenage angst/naivete/foolish-ridden blogosphere that will ruin us all], I came across a question, one that sent me into quite a bit of thought:
"Would your 8-year-old self be proud of you now?"
It is not a new question, but when I sat back to think about it, I had to wonder.
The sad truth of the matter is I'm not sure, because I can barely remember myself at that age. So I guess the answer would be, no my 8-year-old self wouldn't be proud. No one is proud of being forgotten.
But in all seriousness, think of yourself as an 8-year-old kid... For me, I distinctly remember wanting to be an artist. And a singer. I wanted to sing on stage with my electric guitar and on the side I just wanted to paint, create and make things beautiful. I wanted to go to college and drive a pretty red convertible and still have my same best friend. I REALLY wanted a pass to Disneyland and to have cool clothes and long hair. I didn't really think about my faith; I just assumed I would still be going to church and probably helping with the kids. I wanted lots of people to like me and we could be friends. I wanted to meet my prince charming-type person maybe. I wanted to be confident and fun and not be afraid of rollercoasters. I wanted to be socially unawkward and have my OWN ROOM.
So this is me now. Age 20. I still want to be a singer though I gave up on that dream before I hit high school. I still love the arts--theater, dance, music, paintings. Inspiration and the beauty others create are what moves me. Though I have not cultivated my own drawings and the like, I am content to work towards supporting those things.
I'm in college and when I was 17 I got my shiny red convertible, got tired of it by the end of a year and now have my nice but non-flashy car :) I still have my same best friend and gained a few more. I have a pass to Disneyland and have had one for the last 6 years. I don't know about having cool clothes but I like them and I do have long hair.
My faith has now become a big part of my life, I've started going to church again and I don't like kids.
I don't have lots of friends but the ones I do have are true and dear. I still have that people-complex where I need for people to like me or it stresses me out. Working on it. I still haven't met Prince Charming and when I do meet him I don't expect for him to be perfectly charming. I feel I am confident and I find life to be pretty fun. Rollercoasters are the best. I'm still socially awkward and I don't even have a room anymore, but whatever!
So I would have to say, that my 8-year-old self would look at me and say, "You made some stupid mistakes. And I don't get why you let yourself gain so much weight or why you didn't go to church for awhile. I also don't get why you did some of the things you've done or why you didn't get straight A's when you SO COULD HAVE. But you're getting there. You're trying again and that's what counts in the end. And you kept my best friend around and you also gave me a pass to Disneyland all these years. So thank you."
Although I am not the stellar, super woman I hoped I would be, I am somewhat living up to my ideals. I'm not perfect and life is not set to perfection and that is because it's impossible. But it is with relief that, after hearing that question, my childhood opinion of me as an adult is in good standing.
If ideals are worth anything they must then turn into actions.
If you want to achieve greatness, to see the best results possible, you need to be PATIENT. DILIGENT. STEADFAST.
You want to lose weight? Be prepared to spend at least six months in the gym, cutting down foods (gradually) and not noticing the change until a few weeks down the road. You want good grades? You work your butt off from start to finish. You want to play the piano? Dance well? Write well? Dress well? It takes practice, hard work, saving more than spending, not just for a couple weeks, but for a couple months, years, maybe even decades.
There is no quick and easy route. Life was made to be beautiful, but it was also made to be hard. It's challenges can be overcome, but only with patience and perseverance. It takes time because, as Calvin's dad would say, "it builds character." It also helps us to rely on God more than ourselves, and to see a bit of how He works.
I want to be become a better person. I want to be less selfish and focus on loving others as Christ did. I want to lose the weight and I want to get good grades. I want to deepen my relationship with God and others. But all of these things take TIME. I can start now, sure, but unless I keep going and fight hard, three months down the road, there won't be any good results. I have to keep pushing on, even when it seems like things aren't going so good.
So that's my prayer; to keep persevering, trusting in God, and not giving up, even when it gets hard. I hope I can make it to the end.
January has been a whirlwind of work, old friends, the ocean, hollywood/burbank and family. Not a bad first three weeks of the year.
I've discovered quite a few new artists over the past few weeks (given my internship is all about music) but one I discovered on my own (well, via a good friend haha) is Bonnie Dune. No one knows who they are, they've only had one show, but they've got potential! Their sound isn't particularly new, but it's soothing. I've listened to this song at least twice every day:
Lately I've felt God pushing me forth into life and it's such an adrenaline rush. "Give everything you've got." Well I will try. I feel like a dam, with turbulent water and heavy rocks rolling and swelling behind me, and once I break, once I try my best, all of those things are going to come rushing out, towards a river of adventure. The swell will push me in a different direction, one I can't see. As soon as I feel settled in my life, something happens and BOOM here we go again! Well, so be it. I had this year planned out to a tee but now it's taking a different turn. I was content and happy with life and now we're going to ruffle my feathers.
But hey, God's in control of the current, I'm just along for the ride.
P.S. MLK Day was a wonderful day off of work, spent (like a true California girl would) down at the beach. As much as I want to leave the South Bay/Los Angeles area entirely, I LOVE living 15 minutes away from the beach. Living in La Mirada feels so... dry sometimes.
He created this whole freaking universe, He knows EVERYTHING (quite literally), and He is not confined by space or time. He is. That's all that can really describe Him. Magnificent, glorious, omnipotent, and yes that's really scary.
And yet... He made us. He made this planet JUST for us. Out of all the billion stars, galaxies and planets out there, He took the time to create a place that is just suited to our needs. Venus is too gaseous, Mercury too close to the sun, Mars is too damn cold. But Earth... is JUST close enough to the Sun to keep our blood from freezing up in our veins. Earth is JUST far enough away so that our blood won't boil.
And that's just where we live in the grand scheme of things. That's putting aside our very beings. Anyone who has studied even a smidgen of the human body can see that we are complicated (and I'm not talking about the emotional wrecks we make of ourselves here). Our cells, our millions of cells... our brains... the way we just learn things. Our innate sense of language. How every person, no matter the culture or background yearns for love. How God gave us the Earth, and then gave us the abilities to create things: homes, clothing, cars, the freaking iPhone. He let us discover the wonders of this world with the things we made.
It's kind of funny how man has made millions of things and how many of these things reflect God in His infinite glory. We created the microscope--we see how intricately God made us. Man created airplanes--we use them to fly around the world spreading the Gospel. Man created the printing press, ink, words, sentences... we communicate, encourage, and praise God with those things!
But seriously. God is this great huge really the only thing that matters kind of guy, and yet He made us, and then (despite our screwups), invites us to come into His home. He offers His love, protection, guidance and spiritual fulfillment. He took the TIME to do that for us. The whole reason we were made is to glorify Him, because He loves that.
Sometimes I get a little rebellious and think, "Yeah, God gets all the glory but I want to live my life for me too!" But then I realize, God kind of made the world. He's kind of the reason I exist, the reason I'm able to have these free thoughts, the reason I'm alive... Of COURSE my whole life should revolve around Him. He's my creator. My existence. God built in us (every single human being) a desire to worship. Something. Anything. But really, we are meant--destined--to worship HIM and show HIM Glory. And He, in turn, not because He has to but because He wanted to, gave us love, joy, peace, community with each other and with Himself.
That is what it means to be human, an image of God. To reflect His glory, to glorify God and to live lives completely devoted to Him. Wow. God's awesome. It's not like He just made us and then disposed of us into the world to live blindly. He created us, then provided us with GUIDANCE and an AWARENESS of His presence right away. He didn't just forget about us. That's crazy! This God who made this universe and exists above everything else STILL knows each and every person by NAME. He's everything. He knows me personally, and yet still makes the world go 'round.
That humbles me and blows me away.
I'm not perfect. I sin all. the. time. I'm selfish, I haven't had my devotions in ages, I didn't pay attention in church, I cussed out a guy who cut me off on the freeway, I'm still a little wild... it goes on and on and on. My life does not always revolve around God. In fact, it rarely does. My life doesn't glorify God a LOT.
But He still loves me. I am still a part of His kingdom.
And I feel His love deep in my soul. I feel His calling for me. And that always brings me back to His ways.
I'm going to mess up, but man, I'm so glad that I have Jesus Christ as my center in this world, so that no matter how badly I screw it up, I can start over with Him.
Can I just say how much I adore this movie? I first saw it on Valentine's Day 2010 and promptly grew infatuated. I can't put a finger on WHY I like it so much. I can only say that the mix of fashion, dialogue, Joseph Gordon-Levitt/Zooey D and the soundtrack easily put me into a blissful state of entertainment. Gotta love it.
All this to say, I've been listening to the soundtrack for the past week. Again. Enjoy :)