This entry doesn't really have a direction. There was no point, no inspiration, no thought. I just felt the need to write, so we will see where this path goes.

Words. Ideals. In the end they are just objects, things that are useless unless human actions bring them to life. You can have the highest ideals in the world, and write them in the most eloquent manner onto a piece of paper, but they aren't worth much unless we actually decide to go forth and make them come to life. If Walt Disney only sketched an amusement park, wrote a beautiful description of it and dreamed the masterpiece every day, it would have amounted to nothing but fluff had he not had the courage, ambition and luck to make Disneyland come to life. If Paul had only idealized being a bold Christian and wrote his letters to the church but never delivered them, never lived his own teachings, well we probably wouldn't be reading his works. All this to say, ideals are an excellent starting place, but they are only that. It is the foundation which we build upon. Ideals lead to reality [ideally... ha.] Words helps us to form our desires and dreams and our bodies take it from there.

While browsing through my Tumblr [aka the self-centered, completely unrealistic, teenage angst/naivete/foolish-ridden blogosphere that will ruin us all], I came across a question, one that sent me into quite a bit of thought:

"Would your 8-year-old self be proud of you now?"

It is not a new question, but when I sat back to think about it, I had to wonder.

The sad truth of the matter is I'm not sure, because I can barely remember myself at that age. So I guess the answer would be, no my 8-year-old self wouldn't be proud. No one is proud of being forgotten.

But in all seriousness, think of yourself as an 8-year-old kid... For me, I distinctly remember wanting to be an artist. And a singer. I wanted to sing on stage with my electric guitar and on the side I just wanted to paint, create and make things beautiful. I wanted to go to college and drive a pretty red convertible and still have my same best friend. I REALLY wanted a pass to Disneyland and to have cool clothes and long hair. I didn't really think about my faith; I just assumed I would still be going to church and probably helping with the kids. I wanted lots of people to like me and we could be friends. I wanted to meet my prince charming-type person maybe. I wanted to be confident and fun and not be afraid of rollercoasters. I wanted to be socially unawkward and have my OWN ROOM.

So this is me now. Age 20. I still want to be a singer though I gave up on that dream before I hit high school. I still love the arts--theater, dance, music, paintings. Inspiration and the beauty others create are what moves me. Though I have not cultivated my own drawings and the like, I am content to work towards supporting those things.

I'm in college and when I was 17 I got my shiny red convertible, got tired of it by the end of a year and now have my nice but non-flashy car :) I still have my same best friend and gained a few more. I have a pass to Disneyland and have had one for the last 6 years. I don't know about having cool clothes but I like them and I do have long hair.

My faith has now become a big part of my life, I've started going to church again and I don't like kids.

I don't have lots of friends but the ones I do have are true and dear. I still have that people-complex where I need for people to like me or it stresses me out. Working on it. I still haven't met Prince Charming and when I do meet him I don't expect for him to be perfectly charming. I feel I am confident and I find life to be pretty fun. Rollercoasters are the best. I'm still socially awkward and I don't even have a room anymore, but whatever!

So I would have to say, that my 8-year-old self would look at me and say, "You made some stupid mistakes. And I don't get why you let yourself gain so much weight or why you didn't go to church for awhile. I also don't get why you did some of the things you've done or why you didn't get straight A's when you SO COULD HAVE. But you're getting there. You're trying again and that's what counts in the end. And you kept my best friend around and you also gave me a pass to Disneyland all these years. So thank you."

Although I am not the stellar, super woman I hoped I would be, I am somewhat living up to my ideals. I'm not perfect and life is not set to perfection and that is because it's impossible. But it is with relief that, after hearing that question, my childhood opinion of me as an adult is in good standing.

If ideals are worth anything they must then turn into actions.

I'm glad I was able to learn that.